THE FOUR HORSEMAN OF THE REVELATION IN A RELATIONSHIP

How long a relationship will last is unknown. The American psychologistJohn Gottmann discovered in a long-term study involving hundreds of couples, the four main behaviors that poison a relationship. 

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Review. Instead of criticizing something specific to our partner, e.g. "you promised to put gas in the car and you didn't", we criticize the person and generalize our criticism, e.g. "you didn't put gas in the car again".

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Excuses."I had a lot of work, I didn't have time to put gas". Constantly making excuses does not lead to a de-escalation of tension, on the contrary, it causes irritation and more tension. 

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Contempt. One of the most basic conditions for a good relationship is respect. Cynicism and sarcasm do not help to maintain a good relationship. "It was clear you weren't going to be able to park the car."

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Blocking. Being elsewhere during a conversation with your partner and not participating is deadly to a relationship. One is talking and the other is looking at a cell phone or looking out the window. Blocking is often someone's only response to criticism, contempt and excuses

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How do we deal with these behaviors? With constant conversations, honesty and by expressing what we feel to our partner. Such behaviors are not necessarily the end of a relationship. It can be a challenge and an invitation to continue the relationship on another level.